Dear Internet, I would like to tell you a story.
I was going to do laundry just now, and all of a sudden I feel something foreign on my chest. I look down my shirt, and there is a MOTHERFUCKING SPIDER who has crawled/fallen his way down onto my right boob.
If you’re wondering what my weakness is so you can defeat me in a superhero duel, it is bugs. I can’t get near them, and I can’t kill them. Sometimes, upon encountering an insect pest that must die, I’ll say to myself, HEY DUDE IT’S ALL IN YOUR HEAD JUST FUCKING SMACK IT WITH YOUR SHOE and I’ll get my shoe, hold it over my head, and then proceed to psych myself out and possibly burst into tears.
This one time last summer, this (GIGANTIC) spider found his way into my bed. I stared at it for over 45 minutes before trapping it under a shoebox, still on my bed. I slept on the couch that night. (did I mention he was gigantic?)
The phobia has to do with not wanting to get bug guts on my bed/boobs/whatever as well as being afraid of the thing just crawling on me. It’s all in my head, really, BUT WHY SHOULD THAT MEAN THAT IT IS LESS REAL #dumbledore
So this particular spider had just perched himself on the side of my boob. It was small, and it wasn’t moving. I briefly considered just pretending I hadn’t noticed, and convincing myself I had imagined this entire encounter. I ended up coaxing him onto the inside of my shirt by operating from the outside, and from there I flipped my shirt over from the neckline and got him onto the spout of the laundry detergent. Then I poured some detergent into the sink, and away he went. Getting rid of spiders via the drowning method is way preferable to smushing.
MY POINT: I’d like to complain about how now I’m doing the thing where I constantly keep thinking I’m feeling spiders down my shirt. It’s like, after having shingles, every time I have an itch on the left side of my back/boob underside I’m like OMFG I HAVE CHICKEN POX AGAIN.
I think I have issues.
Two nights ago I ran out of 30 Rock episodes that were readily available to watch on the internet for free. Last night, in an attempt to figure out what TV show to watch next and do some REAL LIFE science, I asked for show recommendations on Google+, Facebook, Twitter, Tumblr, and Formspring.
In terms of number of responses (comments or answers) it went like this:
In terms of actual suggestions, like the shows themselves:
Twitter and Tumblr both got nada. (WTF, 8 TUMBLR FOLLOWERS, WHERE YOU AT.) This makes sense to me, though, since a tweet goes away pretty quickly and not that many people follow me, and those who do are probably also my Facebook friends. Tumblr posts go away somewhat less quickly (probably) but hardly anyone pays attention to this shit.
Only one person (Chris Marra) answered on two sites (Facebook and Google+, in that order).
All of Google+’s responses came within 20 minutes of the post; Formspring’s and Facebook’s were much more spread out.
The possibly interesting thing is the evidence of the fundamental difference between interactions on Formspring and interactions on Facebook/Google+. I asked my followers on Formspring, which is supposedly 29 people, and 10 of them responded. This is crazy nuts in comparison to 9 comments from 407 Facebook friends. The reasoning behind this is pretty obvious, I think — (besides the fact that 70% of responses came from Formspring employees,) when you ask a question, it shows up in someone’s “inbox” rather than a feed. The receiver doesn’t know if this person is mass spamming their followers or really wants to know what this specific individual thinks. A Formspring question is personally looking for a response, and a Facebook post is just floating out there in the interwebz, waiting for someone to notice it. So: when you want to know what TV show to watch, or get suggestions for something, or (holy shit) ask a question, use Formspring. If you want to express yourself and rave about how AWESOME THIS SANDWICH IS, use Facebook.
In terms of TV show suggestions, Community won with five (though it was suggested twice by Chris… but nothing had four suggestions). Here’s the list:
30 Rock 1
Andy Richter Controls the Universe 1
Arrested Development 3
Battlestar Galactica 1
Better Off Ted 1
Big Bang Theory 3
Breaking Bad 1
Doctor Who 2
Family Guy 1
How I Met Your Mother 2
Modern Family 2
Parks and Recreation 3
Pretty Little Liars 1
Six Feet Under 1
Sons of Anarchy 1
The Office 2
The Simpsons 1
White Collar 3
No, I don’t know what I’m watching tonight.
Today was fun. In list format, cause paragraphs are for squares:
1. Witnessing the beginning of San Fran’s 8th Annual Naked Bike Ride.
there were uh, a lot of naked dudes (and a few chicks). On bikes.
2. Being a hipster with a macbook in a totally pretentious coffee shop.
3. Trying to fix my hair (it was super windy) while staring at my reflection in a window. A woman comes out of whatever building it was and says to me, “You look beautiful today.”
4. Bumming around the city with these dudes:
at one point, we were all running down Market in a futile attempt to catch a bus. yeah! fun times!